Thursday, 15 December 2005

Such the conundrum. In my kitchen pantry I have four cans of Wolf Brand Chili. They taunt me. I stare at them every now and then an ponder the many Wolf Brand possibilities. I do this because they have been in my pantry now for, oh, a few years. I think seriously about opening one, scraping it out over a bed of Fritos, running some cheese on top and radiating it all in the Microwave. Health food at its best.

I'd actually do it, too, if I wasn't afraid I'd freakin' die. I mean, just how long is canned chili good for, anyway?

I mean, the answer must be either "a finite period of time" (undoubtedly substantially less than four years) or else it must be something along the lines of "forever." Like as in "put canned chili in your Y2K and terrorist attack supply caches."

So, in my quest for knowledge I did the most obvious thing your average 38-year-old guy would be expected to do when confronted with obscure kitchen-related trivia of such potential impact as to rise to the level of life-and-death.

I called my mom.

Her advice? "If it's not swollen or split open and as long as it doesn't hiss when you open it, it's probably fine." Hmmm... Probably?

I told her "Yeah, well I probably still won't open it."

Not that I don't believe my mom. It's just that, well, maybe I don't believe her. It's just not like her to be so non-committal. "Probably fine." Heh. Right. She's probably taking out an insurance policy on me right now. Nah, she'd never do that.

Okay, well... Time for some search engine research action, then. After Googling for a half hour and (uncharacteristically) coming up with practically nothing you'd consider useful (more proof that I'm basically just completely random), I decided to take a chance and just open the stupid thing, listen for the hissing, smell it, eyeball it, and nuke the living hell out of it before allowing it to reach my mouth.

What the hell, ya only live once. And I'm hungry.

So, if I don't ever post here again, I'm probably dead from botulism or some other nasty crap. Wish me luck.

UPDATE: Opening can... Hiissssssss... Woahhhh... Never mind, I'm not touching that stuff. Heh. I'll just go hungry.

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Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:52:42 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
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Friday, 16 December 2005 06:55:26 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
I should order you a pizza or something =p hehe
Friday, 16 December 2005 13:54:49 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
Dang! Sure glad you have good hearing, I probably would not have heard the hiss myself and I would be sick instead! Have a Merry Christmas Greg! Wish you were coming back this way!
Friday, 16 December 2005 21:44:08 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
Hey! Good news--Most outbreaks of foodborne botulism is usually caused by eating contaminated home-canned foods. So, your chance may be a little slimmer..LOL..

If you do want to stock up on your kitchen pantry, MRE's last like: forever. Do know, however,the taste of them, from what I heard, also lasts for like forever too. LOL =)

Mary Beth
Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:06:39 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
Hey Greg
I am the owner of the Death By Chili name. Retired a couple of years ago. Used to sell a do-it-yourself chili kit that was packaged in a red tube like a stick of dynamite. Big seller. Had a special package of a blend of very hot ground chilis so cook could determine just how serious he wanted the chili. If you think Wolf Brand is hot, you would have to have your stomach pumped eating DBC.
Ray Finfer
Fort Worth Texas
Thursday, 15 November 2007 21:03:39 (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
Hilarious!!! Was just searching for chili related things to add to my blog came across this good stuff. If you would like to submit a chili recipe to add to my blog and maybe a photo it'd be really cool! Im in the process of trying to transform my blog into an online cookbook getting recipes and photos lemme know if youd like to submit something!!! **Bryan**
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